Is this real life?

Well...it's time. Almost. But it might as well be next week with how I've been feeling the past two days, which is kind of like this kid (^).

Two months ago, November 9th seemed light years away! Now it's staring me in the face & it's so close I hardly have room to breathe! (For those of you who have no idea why November 9th holds any significance, check it out.) 

Being a girl, and being me, I want to address basically one thing in this entry: feelings. They are something that have been a hot topic of conversation the past couple months. I can't even tell you how many times I've been asked if I'm excited. By gads of people. Pretty much on a daily basis.

Where to start? Two months ago I had no idea how I felt about this new adventure, with the exception of one thing: I knew it was right for me to go. I mean it is right. But even now, after countless prayers & peaceful confirmations, I'm still a little unsure. I guess that's the only way to describe how I'm "feeling" at the moment. & as you know, I've been given plenty of opportunities to evaluate my feelings. The only thing I can really compare it to is going away to college for the first time.

I remember waking up the morning my parents were to drive me to BYU-Idaho campus and leave me there. For four long months. Once again, much like now, my emotions didn't know what to do, so they did the most logical thing: nothing. I didn't really feel a thing about going off to live on my own for the first time ever. Even as we loaded ourselves into the big green van, which was stuffed to the top with all my "stuff", it was like we were going to get some eggs at the grocery store. You know, something totally mundane and everyday.

It wasn't until we saw the school, until we actually saw the "BYU-Idaho" sign, that I started to sense my "old" life slipping away into the past, and reality hit. I was really doing this. I was really going to live on my own for an entire four months! It was jarring, and a little bit nerve racking, but as soon as my parents hugged me goodbye I walked back into my apartment, looked around, and said to myself, "Pft. College is going to be a cinch!" And you know what? It kind of was. In fact, I don't think it was until a few weeks in that I thought, "Hmm...maybe I should give my parents a call. I like them. I should let them know how I'm doing." & Now, three years later, and maybe even wiser (?), I realize that it wasn't college that scared me, it was the unknown.

Today, just a short week away from a the start of something new, it's the same. The unknown is staring me down. It's daring me to come and explore.

Advice is fantastic! It's great. I love it! And I was given LOTS of it before I left for school. Especially concerning dishes, and dating, how to deal with dumb roommates - the usual. But when it comes down to it, you just don't know until you do it. Between stories of broken hearts and dumping dishes onto roommates beds because they just wouldn't wash them, I was a little freaked out. But our imaginations sometimes make reality out to be a lot scarier than it actually is. College was, and is, great! I loved it! I only had one crazy roommate (well, two. But one of them was my best friend so...) whose mom cussed me out at the end of the semester, met some great people, had a couple romps in the snow, and got my heart broken for the first time ever! So all in all, it was a total success. Not scary!

So a mission...let's start with the fact that I've been told, I don't know how many times, that it's going to the best and worst year and a half of my life. Some of the highest highs and some of the lowest lows. I would be lying if I said that that doesn't cause me to pause and reflect a little bit every time I hear it. Not to mention it's hard to know what to say to someone when they do say that to you -
"So a mission! You're going to love it. It's so wonderful. It's going to be some of the best times of your life. And some of the worst. ...Good luck!"
"...Thank you?"
I guess it has made me, on multiple occasions, reevaluate why I'm going. Why in the world am I leaving behind my life for 18 months to go to Denver where it's cold and they have four seasons, to wake up at 6:30 am every morning, live the same routine every day, talk to complete strangers about one of the most faux pas subjects ever - religion -  and most likely get made fun of and have doors slammed in my face while doing it?

Well, it's pretty simple. I love the gospel. I love my religion. I know it's true. I know the joy that it brings me, and if God wants me to go get a few doors slammed in my face so that just maybe one person can have that same happiness, then so be it.

So...am I excited? Am I nervous? Am I ready?
I guess. Yes. And no.

Tell you what - let's reconvene in 18 months and then we can talk about how I'm feeling. : )