Dear friend.

Oh, Procrastination. 

You have been my close friend almost my entire life. But I think it's time for a break. These past few weeks have been kind of tough on me and I just don't think I'm ready for this level of commitment. Honestly. I'm not joking this time, I swear. I think in the long run it'll be better for both of us. I mean, we can both see other people, you know? And I know that for you at least, there are plenty of other people to see. So let's just call it quits. 

Love,

Sara

PS: It's not me, it's you. 

Things on my mind.

Oh...goodness...

Many many things on my mind.

Some of which are too private to put all over the internet. But one thing I will say is this - it was a beautiful day, weather-wise, in Rexburg. A gorgeous 75 degrees, a light breeze making it's way through the trees; the kind of day that lures you out of doors to drink in the sunshine. 

Jessica and I went to Porter Park for the afternoon to talk, and sleep and just be. It was incredible. The thing about Rexburg/everywhere-that's-not-California, is that people can't help but be outside on a day like today. A lovely spring day that just makes you smile is a rare commodity here, whereas in California, or at least Simi Valley, they are a common and every day thing. At the park there were blankets spread here and there with friends and couples catching the rays of the sun, hammocks pulled tight between trees adorned with young students taking their Sunday naps, boys attempting to steal some hearts away with their cheesy overly-practiced love songs. 

It's fantastic really. 

Anyway, the afternoon was wonderful. "Just too marvelous for words." 

i thank You God for most this amazing day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything which is natural which is infinite which is yes  (i who have died am alive again today, and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth day of life and of love and wings:and of the gay great happening illimitably earth)  how should tasting touching hearing seeing breathing any--lifted from the no of allnothing--human merely being doubt unimaginable You?  (now the ears of my ears awake and now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

Daffodils

in time of daffodils(who know

in time of daffodils(who know the goal of living is to grow) forgetting why,remember how in time of lilacs who proclaim the aim of waking is to dream, remember so(forgetting seem) in time of roses(who amaze our now and here with paradise) forgetting if,remember yes in time of all sweet things beyond whatever mind may comprehend, remember seek(forgetting find) and in a mystery to be (when time from time shall set us free) forgetting me,remember me  ee cummings

Hah!

Can we talk about how the guy who sits next to me in my Book of Mormon class sent me a random text about an hour ago asking me if I will go on a blind date with his best friend?? Oh but, don't worry, his best friend is a total "stud". Well I just have one question: If he's such a stud, why does he need his friend to set him up on a blind date??

Just a question.

Haha. This should be super entertaining.

Who am I kidding?

It's not like I have time for a boyfriend anyway. haha. Silly Sara.

Remember that one time...

When all of Sara's roommates had boyfriends (some even had two) and Sara felt like the odd ball out whenever they were all over?? 

Awkward....

I've never been good at dealing with these types of situations.

What to do...

What do you do when you want to pray about something but you're scared to because you're scared of what the answer might be???

Song of the week...

It's so hard to say goodbye...

You know, not to say that SoCal ever has "bad" weather, but it figures that some of the best would just start to come the week before I go back to school in, you guessed it, Rexburg, Idaho. Funny I find myself wishing to stay, when just a month ago I was feeling like time was passing at a glacial pace! But then that's how it always is, yes? Life never goes the way you want it to, nor the way you expect it to. The only thing I can do is go with it, wherever it decides to take me, and love it. Try to love every moment, and learn from those that are just too difficult to love. Trying to do anything else just gets too discouraging. Besides, there are good things about going back to school that do balance out the bad.

1. Make fun all you want, I am so excited to do my own grocery shopping again. : ) There's something so exciting about going to Broulim's, picking and choosing my own menu for the next few weeks, and purchasing it all on my own. (If you are worried about my shopping interests, don't fret for too long. I'm sure my love for grocery shopping will fade once the money being spent is my own.)

2. The social aspect. "What?! Sara isn't social. Tha-That's ridiculous! Last I heard she doesn't even have any friends."

3. School. Oh my goodness...I never thought I'd see the day... I am actually excited to start learning some new academic novelties! 

4. Late night dance parties. Give me an ipod, some open space - good to go. (Hey...give me a break. It's Rexburg, alright?)

5. New apartment. Girl's dormitories?? - Good riddance. 

6. Rexburg temple right up the hill! What else do you need?? I mean, honestly??

So, it's true - I am slightly excited to go back to school again. And thinking about it, I know it's what I need right now. Even though I will be missing my Bethany : ( ...Richarson, that is. I was very unaware how much I would be deprived of in Rexburg without my lovely, beautiful, and utterly fantastic roommate! The truth? - I'm heartbroken. Who knew you could create such a friendship in such a short amount of time? But alas, as I've said before, life goes on. And if all goes according to plan (crossing my fingers) our paths will cross again this coming fall. Until then, it's on to my second semester up at BYU-I! It'll be a crazy last week here in Simi Valley. Hopefully one to remember. : )

"Good Morning, Good Morning, to You!"

Maybe not 1AM like in Singin' in the Rain, but close. On Saturday I had a hair appointment for a close friend who was sealed in the LA temple this morning. Can you say "Holy early in the morning, Batman?!" Try 3:30 in the morning. Yep. We got going at 4AM with lots and lots of curls and hairspray, and didn't start to put the finishing touches on her makeup until 7AM. Right on time. Good thing I love to do hair...and I love her. : ) She was such a beautiful bride! I'm so happy for her and Walt. Congrats, you two! 

By Immersion

Yesterday something incredible happened: Stash Dabrowski was baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. There aren't words for me to describe how I felt and how I feel now. Stash is an amazing person. In his welcome the bishop talked about what a great guy he is and how little he had to change in order to be baptized. I have to say I completely agree. It's been such an edifying experience to be a part of Stash's conversion, to say the least. I know that yesterday was the beginning of Stash's new life and I am so proud to have been able to watch how the gospel has improved his life thus far. Having him as a friend is and has been such a blessing to me and so many others. Thanks, Stashua! You're the greatest.

UN-believable!

Good news! - I quit my job at the recycling plant today, unknown to my supervisor! Rude, right? I know. But wait. Don't judge yet. Let me explain-

So for anyone who talks to me on a regular basis, you know I was not too fond of this job in the first place. It's early in the morning, the other workers freak me out, I think my supervisor secretly hates me, it smells, it's tedious, boring. Okay, you get the point. Now for the punchline: I, along with all the other employees, have not been paid for about a month now! Awesome. Love it. 

...No. Not so much.

Well on top of that, I got up yesterday morning, dragged myself out of my warm and comfortable bed and started to prepare myself mentally for the day ahead of me: four and a half hours at recycling, four at the after school club. I can do this. 

So I get in the truck and start the oh-so-wonderful drive to the oh-so-beautiful San Fernando Valley. Now for those of you who don't know how traffic is here, it should only take me about ten minutes to get to where I need to go in The Valley. Here is the harsh reality: it takes me about 2o-25 minutes to get to New Earth recycling plant; about five to seven minutes on the freeway, and anywhere from 10 - 20 minutes weaving my way down Topanga Canyon until I get to my lovely job. Okay so continuing my story, I finally do reach my destination about fifteen minutes late (hey, they're not paying me on time, I don't get there on time) only to find out that I'm not needed.

"Oh, you didn't get a phone call?"

"Um...no."

"Oh, all the other employees did."

Awesome. And still no paycheck.

Needless to say, this was kind of the last straw for me. To make an already long story longer, I resolved to quit yesterday. I don't need this! : )

Even though I haven't been treated in the most respectable manner, I thought I would be courteous and at least come in to work today and let everyone know,"hey, I don't need this. This is my last day." On my drive over I'm kind of nervous; I've never quit a job before, I mean I've only ever had one other job to begin with. But I'm determined so I suck it up and brace myself. 

"One more turn," I think to myself. I grab the steering wheel and pull it to the left. I grab it again just about to turn into the parking lot when - What the...?! 

You have got to be kidding me. The gate is locked. Empty lot. No phone call. And no paycheck. And you guessed it-no more recycling job for me! 

Really?

Oh My Gosh!

No doubt about it! I have had no time to tell you all about Lionel Hampton! Needless to say, I had a BLAST! So much fun. I won't bore you with all the details of what happened when, who said what and where... I will say that I learned a lot. 

It's amazing how simply listening to a few concerts can improve your musicianship. I don't know if you know who Benny Green is, but you should. INCREDIBLE pianist. Anywho, yes. Listening, as I have so often heard, is the key. (My high school choir teacher will be so proud). But really, I didn't even really realize what a difference a few days of fabulous concerts performed by incredible musicians had made until I was sitting on an airplane on my way to Seattle early Saturday morning. I felt empowered, strangely enough, by the things I had heard and seen throughout the week. I know that I have to do something in music. Honestly, I don't know if it's necessarily because I'm good at it. I just don't know what else I would do. These are the thoughts that ran through my head as I walked out of the Moscow, Idaho airport, which is the size of an elementary school cafeteria. 

I did feel very empowered that day, and for several days afterward. Maybe it's mostly because I had gotten to sing on stage with Bobby McFerrin the night before, in front of a fairly large audience. It was incredible, to say the least. 

I want to write more. I really do. But this is long as it is. And registration is not going the way I planned so...The End. : )

Song of the week...

There is a lot to tell! I wish I had like 5 hours to just write it all down! Unfortunately...I have not the time. But I will tell all. I promise. For now...be satisfied with this fabulous music. It's a favorite, redone by the wonderful Jamie Cullum. Enjoy! : )

Song of the week...

Thanks to Ashley for introducing me to some of my favorite artists and songs of all time. Including this one. I hope you love it! -

For right now, it's meant to be...I guess

I've come to the conclusion that being a teacher (in church) is following me. Don't get me wrong, I love it. I do learn A LOT by doing it. It's great-I was a gospel doctrine teacher in Idaho and now I'm a relief society teacher here in Simi. Oh goodness...I was scared to death when I got asked to be the gospel doctrine teacher in Rexburg. But it happened. I survived. And here I am. A better and stronger teacher and person having done it. Don't misunderstand, I am not by any means a great teacher. I still have my moments of weakness when I feel totally incompetent and ask,"What were you thinking?" But I basically enjoy it now.  

This is always a good thing.

Two posts in one day?! What is this?

To whom it may concern:

When is it 'whom' and when is it 'who'?

I'm in one of those moods again. "What mood is that?" you may ask. The mood when all I want to do is lay in my bed and listen to music, write in my journal, ponder, suppose, be. It's one of my favorite moods to be in, really. If I had to pick a favorite of all the moods, this would be in the top five, for sure. 

You should try it sometime. Really. I think you'll become a fan. 

Sincerely,

Yours Truly

PS: I recommend trying to be in this mood on a rainy day. 

Song of the week...

...or just song of...however long it is until I post a new one. 

So here's the story...morning glory (haha I'm SO hilarious)

No really, here's the deal: I love this song. I love this artist. He's fabulous!! 

Listen & Love it. Please.

My Baby

I know. Isn't she adorable? 

Since I don't have a real live baby of my own, this is my substitute for the time being. To many of you, this may seem too endearing of a term for an electric keyboard. But as for myself, I couldn't be happier! My very own keyboard! I can take it up to school with me and everything! I'll get to practice piano, practice voice, and annoy my roommates as much as my heart desires! Isn't it wonderful?

The best part: it was absolutely free. (Don't be jealous, Rachel)

Let Me Clear Something Up

Okay, I know my last post sounded really depressing but let me clear something up: I'm not depressed. I promise. Do I feel lonely at times? Yes. Do I feel discouraged? Yes. But I want you all to know (all three or four of you who read this) that I am still hopeful. I know that this is only temporary and I am trying and will continue to try to make the most of it. So don't worry, I am not crying myself to sleep every night. Yay!! Love you all!

(but I do write a pretty convincing story, right? Props to all my high school English teachers.)

And so it goes...

Well, I'm not gunna lie; its been pretty non-eventful in my neck of the woods. 

Once the relatives took off I slipped into a pathetic and prosaic daily routine of sleeping in late, wandering aimlessly around the house, casually looking for a job here and there with no hopes of finding one, occasionally working out (when in the mood), staying up entirely too late watching whatever movies or late night shows happened to be on, and then catching enough sleep to build up the energy in order to restart the whole process in the morning ... or mid-morning. I would be lying if I said I enjoy it.

 I've been a busy person my whole life, whether its by nature or by very strong outer influences (thanks mom and dad) I don't know, but I never seem to have a problem finding something to bide my time with. Whether its work, school, dance, voice, choir, plays, church or being with friends...whatever!-up until about a month ago my life has been jam-packed with activities and events galore! Although it is a hectic and spontaneous way of living and I always felt sleep-deprived (I usually do), I can't say I ever recall feeling bored. There was always some event to be getting ready for. I remember feeling that there is no end to getting ready for events. I would spend, and still do spend, hours and hours preparing for a concert or a play or a recital and saying to myself in the thick of it all, "once I get this over with, I can relax." 

Wishful thinking. 

I would tackle and conquer one major event only to be confronted with 10 more in its place! I could've sworn about a month ago that this lazy, non-dynamic, "care-free" life that I'm living now would be wonderful! Just think of all the time I would have to spend with friends, catch up on good movies, workout, take dance classes, sleep (very important); you know, the big stuff in life. Well, now its come! I have all the free time in the world!...and I have nothing to fill it up with. I could go through all of the "somethings" on my living-it-large list that have now turned into "nothings", but I won't bore you with that. I will say that I miss that feeling of always having something to do, someone to help, something to improve on. I suppose there are things I could do; my laundry, clean my room (to mom and dad: yes I know and I am preparing for the jazz festival)... but it doesn't hold the same satisfaction when you finish it. There's no sense of accomplishment in saying that you've completed a task in which you've helped no one and not seen or spent any quality time with a good friend or family member. Yes, the room is clean, it looks sweet and lovely and actually resembles the dwelling place of an energetic and ambitious young adult rather than a hobo (AKA starving college student). But, there is still a hole that isn't quite full. I miss so many "somethings" that I used to have or are just unavailable to me at the moment. 

I guess what it comes down to is Mrs. Donohue; yes, my 12th grade AP English teacher and the smartest woman I know. I'm pretty sure that she said this sometime, and if she hasn't I'm sure she will someday-there is irony to be found in almost every situation in literature, and in life. The irony in all this is, I find myself more often than not wishing that I could jump over the fence, thinking that the grass must be greener on the other side. When my time is full and I'm constantly running at the speed of light to finish everything, all I want is to have nothing to do. Well I got my wish; I have nothing to do and there are few words to describe how empty it is. I suppose I'll go back to school and occasionally find myself pining for just a day or two of nothing. But until then..

95 days left.